I Tried The RV Life…

So if you follow me at all on social media you know that in September I spent two weeks, in an RV, at a campground here in Maine. I was going to embrace the RV Life! Something that my husband and I had talked about maybe doing when we retire. My experience was interesting to say the least and I’d like to tell you all about it! I was an RV rookie and the following account clearly shows that!

As you can see from the photo above we started out with such high hopes. Douglas and Susan were all smiles as I began to unload the car. This was going to be fun! At home we have a fenced in backyard where they are free to run and roam. But here at the campground there is a leash rule, so that meant I got to buy them brand new harnesses and fancy leashes! They looked so cute in their new outfits! RV Dog Mom! I’ve got this!

My first indication that this experience was not going to go as well as I had imagined was as I unloaded the car. The “kids” (as I call Douglas & Susan) are accustomed to being within six inches of my feet at all times. There isn’t a place I go that they are not right there with me. So being expected to stand, or sit, while tied to a picnic table by a six foot leash, no matter how pretty and new, while I moved about freely without them, started the first round of protesting! Did I mention that this campground has a no barking rule? So out came the anti barking collars and immediately the thrill of camping, at least for the kids, began to fade.

As I continued to unload the car, my Mom arrived to be helpful. This was great because Mom has never stayed in an RV either, so now I at least had company in my inexperience. There was an awning on the side of the RV and I decided I really wanted to roll that out to cover the picnic table and lovely outdoor rug that sat next to the RV. My plan was to place my folding chairs there and create that outdoor seating area I’d seen in all of the RV ad campaigns. Luckily in this RV the awning is an automatic system and I easily found the button inside that said “Awning”. Seemed easy enough. I asked Mom if I should push the button, and with all the enthusiasm of someone who has no skin in the game, Mom encouraged me to go press the button.

As I stood with the door open, so I could watch the awning unfurl, I held the button down. Mom stood outside to supervise the automatic system, you know incase it needed any help, seeing as it’s automatic. Soon we heard the quiet whirl of the motor and the awning began to extend outward on its mechanical arms. Well look at me go! I can do this! The sound of the gentle motor was quickly replaced by an awful grinding noise that startled me so much I let go of the button, stopping the awning mid way in it’s journey. I asked Mom what the heck that was and that’s when she pointed to the door I held open. I had managed to snag the awning on the door. In my defense I’d like to note there were no operating instructions stating that the door must be closed before extending the awning. Mom decided that this was a great time to leave, she had laundry to do at home and before I knew it she had jumped into her car and was zipping out of the campground! Quitter! Alone now, with only Douglas and Susan for support, I retracted the awning enough to release the door, closed it and then pressed the button the other way to successfully extend the awning to cover the seating area. See I could do this!

As an experienced RVer now, with all of twenty minutes under my belt, I felt I was doing pretty good and slammed the door of the RV shut with satisfaction. I stood back to admire my little RV world. Picnic table, outdoor rug, folding chairs, fire pit. Just like in all the photos I’d seen on social media. This was going to be tranquil! I got this!

It was then that I realized I had locked myself out of the RV! As I stood there staring at the chrome latch of the door, willing it to just open on its own, I realized, thank goodness, that my cellphone was in my back pocket. I could at least call for help. I turned to check on the kids, still tied to the picnic table, bulging anti bark collars on their little necks, their smiles long gone and the first thought that this might be a really long two weeks began to enter my mind!

The RV actually belongs to my son and he was on his way to bring me dinner to celebrate my first night as an RVer. Thankfully he had the second key with him so my rescue happened quickly. He showed me how to properly lock and unlock the door and I can tell you from that day forward I never left that RV without triple checking that I had the key in pocket!

My son had brought take out for dinner and it really was just a matter of sitting at the picnic table to eat. But the kids were tied to the picnic table and this didn’t seem like a good idea. I had brought some lightweight rope (they are small dogs) so while my son built a fire in the fire pit and his wife got the table ready for our dinner, I cut some lengths of rope off and tied one them to the RV. I then untied their pretty new leashes from the picnic table and retied them to the lengths of rope. I thought they would be happy with more freedom. And they were as they scurried around the sitting area, getting tangled up in each other, tangled in the folding chairs and tangled around the legs of the picnic table until each one of them had about four inches of movable space left on their leash. Are you freaking kidding me?

My son was really excited that I was staying in his RV, staying at the campground, doing this whole RV experience thing, so I kept a smile on my face well into the night, as the fire crackled and the kids fought over my limited lap space in a folding chair as opposed to our recliner at home. It was going to be alright I told myself.. Truly. Lots of people do this! And they do it with dogs! I could do this too!

Bright and early at four o’clock the next morning Susan decided she needed to go out to pee. At home this is not a problem. We go downstairs, I open the door, she runs into the fenced in yard, does her business, comes back in and we go back to bed. But now I was living practically outdoors in a community of strangers and there was a leash rule. So in the chill of a late September morning in Maine, I dressed, then got the harnesses on the dogs, then attached the leashes, then found my shoes, my cellphone, the poop bags and the very important key to the door! I was ready!

Did I mention that the kids are always within six inches of my feet? Have you ever been in an RV and noticed that in order to get out you have to step down into a little well, not more then a foot wide, in order to open the door to get out. Well if you haven’t, let me tell you this is not an enjoyable experience at four o’clock in the morning with two little dogs. The fight was on between Douglas and Susan to see who could fit into this little sunken space next to my feet first! There I stood in that tiny area with two dogs wrapping their leashes around my legs faster then I could tell them to stop. I couldn’t open the door for fear I would trip and fall out! Not to mention they were barking and I wasn’t about to let them out into the campground barking at four in the morning! This was fun? People actually pay money to do this?

I managed to take control of the situation, got everyone seated at the top of the stairs with a firm warning to STAY until I tell you to move and then I opened the door and safely walked down the stairs and they followed me out. This RV thing required to much planning! To much thinking. It was clear that I just couldn’t go about life the way that I was accustomed to doing so at home. Everything, it appeared needed to be rethought!

This proved to be even more true at breakfast. As you can see from the photo above, in the RV I’ve been blessed with about 12 inches of counter space, right next to the sink. I had done the dishes the night before, another adjustment as I have a dishwasher at home, not to mention TWO sinks. But I managed! I did it and I would get used to roughing it!. I was determined! But now it was time for breakfast and the dish rack was taking up half of the valuable counter space. It’s was six thirty, I’d been up since four, I just pushed the rack back and figured I would make my breakfast on six inches of counter space. I’m an RVer! I’m going to learn how to do this! And this was ok until I realized that the only outlet in the “kitchen area” was located in the underside of the kitchen cabinet, directly above my now reduced twelve inches of counter space. How in the world was I going to plug in the toaster?

For what transpired next I blame it solely on the fact that I was drinking instant coffee from a cup of water heated in the microwave. Another one of those, “I can do this and rough it” things. There really is no other explanation for my lack of brain function. I began to search the RV for other outlets. I want you to. know I found plenty of USB ports, but only one other outlet. This proved to me I wasn’t cut out for the Instagram generation idea of “van life”. I wanted an outlet!! A good old fashion outlet so I could plug in my toaster! I found only one.

Honestly I took this picture, wanting to document the absolute absurdity that my experience had turned into. After taking the picture I stared at my toaster. This was not a safe decision. There was no way I was going to make toast with my toaster sitting on the dog blanket that was spread across the plastic couch in the “living room” area. I had to come up with another plan.

At that moment my son texted to see how I was doing. Texting from the comfort and warmth of his bed at home I should add. I texted back that I was doing GREAT! Except that it was a bit cold this morning. He mentioned there was a space heater in one of the cabinets. Oh wonderful! I quickly found that and got it plugged in to this outlet! And soon the kids and I were feeling warmth. That allowed me to tackle the toaster problem with a little more brain power, which I wasn’t getting from the instant coffee.

And that’s really all that was needed, a brain. You see in an RV you have to think! At home you just flow, but everything in a confined tiny space like an RV requires more thought. So I quickly set about putting away the dishes from the night before, thus freeing up more counter space! In doing so I was able to move the toaster to the kitchen counter where it belonged and I snapped this photo to prove that I could do this! With all the pride in myself that I could muster I put an English muffin in that toaster and pressed down on the button. With the space heater running at my feet and now my toaster turning my English muffin a crispy brown I was thinking I might actually get the hang of this! That was until using those two electronic appliances at the same time tripped the breaker and I lost all electricity in the front of the RV!

I am absolutely not kidding you! As I stood there, in the now semi darkness, the only light coming from the early morning dawn through the pine trees, I really couldn’t understand why people pay money to do this. Honestly, how is it possible that there is a whole sub culture of people that do this and appear to love it! I was roughly 16 hours into this adventure and I wanted to go home.

I managed to cook myself some eggs on the gas stove. I ended up telling my son later, like much later in the day, that I had tripped a breaker and couldn’t find the electrical panel, so he had to come down and show me. It’s under the fridge if anyone wants to know. After breakfast I washed all of the dishes and then went to take a shower. Only to realize I had used all of the hot water washing the dishes. So a cold shower it was! I was having a blast on my first day of RV Life!

I will say this much, it did get better, slightly, as each day went on. I learned to adjust, to rethink and plan accordingly. I turned on the space heater to warm the RV and then shut it off when I turned on the toaster. I learned to shower before I washed the dishes. And to wash the dishes and then dry them by hand and immediately put them away. Just to make it feel like I had more room. I learned that tying the kids outside was an absolute no go and instead found a leash that I could attach both of them to and then attach it to my belt, so we could all be together. They learned to wait at the top of the stairs and not try to trip me at the door. I learned that sitting lengthwise on the couch, rather than trying to sit in a folding chair outside, gave them the lap space they required. That outside seating area was over rated anyway.

By the time my husband showed up, halfway through our stay, I was just about getting the hang of it. On his first night with us I watched him fall over into the wall while trying to get undressed in the four inches of space between the end of the bed and the wall. He looked at me and said “Not much room in here is there?” I smiled. He made his way to the bathroom, stubbing his toe on the end of the bed and falling into the shower door with a bang. I laughed. After he managed to get into the bathroom and shut the door I heard the lid go up on the toilet and then everything I owned, on the three inches of counter space in the bathroom, fell on the floor. “You alright?” I hollered. He hollered back “There really isn’t much room in here is there?”

Nope, but I got this!