A Dishwasher, A vacuum And A TV walked Into A Room….

I think I’ve mentioned several times that I basically live under a rock, unaware of how quickly the world is changing around me on most days. Despite a career in marketing and advertising and despite a year and a half going through a social media frenzy with my book “The Gathering Room- A Tale of Nelly Butler” and all that has followed because of that…I really do feel old and out of touch on most days.

Take for an example my week this week. I found myself in need of having to purchase a few bigger ticket items. You know those kind of household gadgets, gizmos and appliances that we don’t buy often, or at least I normally don’t. They are the kinds of things you buy on an “as needed” basis. Well, this week it appeared I needed several of them all at once.  

First up was a new dishwasher. I remember my grandmother had a friend who had died in the early 2000’s at the age of 101. When they sold her house, all of her appliances from the 1940’s were still running and in excellent condition sixty years later! They were pink too! Wouldn’t it be awesome to have all pink appliances now? I would love that! But alas, not only are today’s appliances not pink, they also don’t last for sixty years either, so enter a new dishwasher into my life.

Thankfully a very capable appliance man came and installed the dishwasher for me, but as he prepared to leave he handed me the booklet and I noticed a giant QR code on the front cover. “Just scan the QR code and you can set up the dishwasher yourself.” He said to me. Set up the dishwasher? Didn’t he just do that by hooking up all of the hoses?

I quickly thumbed through the booklet and realized that although I had bought this model because I was thoroughly impressed with the added jets under the utensil basket and the really cool third shelf, this model also came with “Wifi and Smart Assist.” Why do I need Wifi on my dishwasher? And what is Smart Assist? Isn’t it smart enough already that it washes the dishes while I’m sleeping? Let’s just say I did not scan the QR code. A dishwasher should just wash the dishes not access the internet.

The dishwasher that connects to the internet was followed the next day by a new smart TV. Now, I do understand that TVs must connect to the internet, and my grandson, who is 14 I should add, assured me that the TV I bought was very easy. “You just basically plug it in Gigi and it will connect to the internet all by itself!” Now that sounded like something I could do. I will admit I struggled a bit with the Styrofoam and getting it out of the box, but finally it was plugged in and came to life.

On the screen was a giant QR Code with the instructions to scan the code to finish setting up  the TV. All of a sudden this didn’t seem like the TV was going to be doing this by itself. I was being forced to scan the QR code or have this large piece of electronic equipment sitting idle in my living room. With my phone I scanned the QR code and twenty minutes later, after entering a credit card number, my Apple ID and password, selling my first born son and agreeing to Terms & Conditions that no one ever reads, the TV was connected to the internet. I also had the added benefit of feeling tremendously exposed. Like all of my devices were now connected but I somehow got the sense that they had all known each other for a long time and were just adding the TV to their little friend group and I was the outsider! At that moment I really longed for that 12 inch black and white TV from my childhood. The one with the yellowing plastic shell that had rabbit ears antenna on it. The one we wrapped aluminum foil around in hopes of getting a better picture. The one with the horizontal hold button on the back that my sister and I took turns holding so that the picture wouldn’t jump all over the screen. I never felt like that TV was watching me or talking to the phone that hung on the wall in the kitchen. I wondered if my dishwasher felt left out.

The final straw for me came this morning when I opened the box of my new vacuum. Pasted inside the box was a large sticker with, you guessed it, a QR code! At this point I should probably tell you that I have a thing for vacuums. In my early adulthood, when money was tight, I was known to take vacuums apart and replace parts from other ailing vacuums. I had quite the closet full of vacuums and vacuum parts! Good old fashion New England ingenuity kept my house clean for many years.

So as I stood there staring at the vacuum in the box I was certain that I did not need a manual let alone another blasted QR code to explain to me how to put this thing together. What shocked me the most about this QR code though was that it was for downloading an app to your phone! Now I’m not opposed to apps, I have many of them on my phone, but my vacuum does not need to be connected to my phone. There is nothing that an app for a vacuum could add to my life at this moment. There is an app for a vacuum? I had reached my limit on modern technology!

As I walked through the kitchen I passed by the dishwasher and wondered if I should introduce it to the new vacuum. Smart or not, I decided I wasn’t going to do that! I then placed the new vacuum on it’s charging dock in the hall closet and closed the door. As I turned to walk away I spotted the TV in the living room watching me. Silently recording that not only had I not properly introduced the vacuum to all the other gadgets in the house but I had also denied wifi access to this new comer, same as the poor dishwasher.

I suspect I’m now on “a list” somewhere.